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Biden Granted One Emotional Support Ice Cream Cart For Next Debate
In an unforeseen appeal, Joe Biden was able to secure the first emotional support ice cream truck in the history of American politics. After a barrage of interruptions, crude insults, and having to repress a great deal of muffled expletives, Biden is calling in reinforcements from his friends in the dairy industry. He’s taken his […]
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If You Aren’t a Parent (Or Even If You Are) Keep Your Parenting Opinions to Yourself
This editorial is a response to this article. I really need to take a moment to speak up for moms, and for kids with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) here. I hate these clickbait articles that are just glorified mom-shaming for sport. In light of my current avalanche of responsibilities, gratuitously overflowing plate, and conversely meager […]
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Custom Designed Hoodies, Tees, & Tote Bags to Benefit COVID-19 Relief Fund
We’re all doing our best to cope under house arrest and most of us are practicing CDC guidelines for social distancing to limit the spread of COVID-19. However, it’s so tempting to go back to normalcy and go lax on our social distancing practices. I was looking for a fun way to remind others to […]
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Opinion: Go to New York, today! We did.
Hello friends and neighbors. We hope this letter finds you well. We have just returned from a wonderful six day trip to the world famous New York City, the city that never eats! Surprisingly, we found many fine dining establishments throughout the city’s five underground burrows! As you probably already know, New York is famous […]
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I Lived It: My Boyfriend Said “B. R. Bizzle”
In a breathtakingly disappointing feat of cultural synthesis, my boyfriend, on his way to buy me french fries at 10:45 in the evening, said confidently, “B. R. Bizzle” before hitching up his pants and meandering out the front door. The event happened abruptly last week, after I had grown concerned about my boyfriend’s increasing interest […]
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Love, Death, Robots, and Why We Need More Women In Writers’ Rooms
As a woman, I’ve grown accustomed to directors and movie studios underestimating my interest in horror and sci-fi. In spite of that, a tidal wave of excitement still swells inside me whenever I hear a new sci-fi movie or show is being released. It’s a golden age for streaming services such as Netflix, Shudder, Hulu, […]
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Going Green: Starbucks Now Offering All Drinks At Room Temperature
To support Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez’s proposed new Green Deal, Starbucks has announced it will serve all its drink offerings at room temperature to save energy. When approached for comment, Howard Schuktz, Starbucks’ ex-CEO said “I wouldn’t really call them ‘luke-warm,’ we prefer to call them ‘temperature-neutral’ drinks. I also don’t agree with the term ‘customer’ so […]
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Scam Alert: Door To Door Cryotherapy Really Just Snow-Swirlies
Seattle residents are warned to be on the look out for door to door salesmen roaming local neighborhoods swindling locals with a discount Cryotherapy scam. “It sounded like a great deal,” said Shirley De Santiago of White Center, “but when I paid them the $20 they told me to strip down to my skivvies and […]
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Pony Bar More Open Than Ever As Eight Inches Arrive In Seattle
The Pony is among the few Seattle bars on Capital Hill to remain open in spite of a prolific state-wide snow storm. Undeterred by the snowfall, Pony club goers actually seemed quite excited to about the record number of inches to be received. “Who doesn’t love getting hammered by eight inches?” said club regular Freako […]
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I Didn’t Believe In Climate Change Until Toni Collette Didn’t Get An Oscar Nomination for Hereditary
Sure, there’s been a lot of buzz around polar vortex blasts, record low temperatures, even numerous reported casualties in sub -50°F weather across the United States, but I wasn’t convinced this whole “Climate Change” thing was real until the Academy failed to nominate Toni Collette for an Oscar for her leading role in the film […]
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