Category: Politics
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Tesla Self-Driving Cars To Dodge All Obstacles Except Putin
Tesla CEO Elon Musk announced Monday that he would release an upgrade for all of Tesla’s self-driving cars to dodge all organic life forms with the exception of Russian President, Vladimir Putin. This highly anticipated upgrade, branded as “Putin-Overdrive”, will immediately be available to the public as shareware. “I already offered to fight him in […]
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Trump Asks Physician Which Disinfectant Will Hurt The Least as a COVID Vaccine
With his extensive array of imaginary medical degrees, Trump is confident that one of the many disinfectants available in the Oval Office can cure his COVID-19, but he just doesn’t want the prick to hurt too bad. He’s asked his physician for advice on which might be the least painful, with disappointing results. “Please don’t […]
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Biden Granted One Emotional Support Ice Cream Cart For Next Debate
In an unforeseen appeal, Joe Biden was able to secure the first emotional support ice cream truck in the history of American politics. After a barrage of interruptions, crude insults, and having to repress a great deal of muffled expletives, Biden is calling in reinforcements from his friends in the dairy industry. He’s taken his […]
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IT Staff Try Turning US Government Off and On Again
In a last ditch effort to jump start the government, the US Senate’s IT staff have decided to try turning the government off and on again. “It’s so crazy it just might work!” said Kyle Aguila, a Tech Support Engineer at the US Capitol Building. who has been working unpaid during the shutdown . “We’ve […]
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Black Light Reveals GOP Covered In Toxic Masculinity
It was an unexpected surprise during 70’s Rollerskating Night at the GOP when the black light revealed the Republican Party is covered in toxic masculinity. “I just thought I spilled some of my mom’s creamy potato chowder on myself,” said Ted Cruz, as he covered his fingers in saliva and tried to rub out the […]
Fartistic 