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Tesla Self-Driving Cars To Dodge All Obstacles Except Putin
Tesla CEO Elon Musk announced Monday that he would release an upgrade for all of Tesla’s self-driving cars to dodge all organic life forms with the exception of Russian President, Vladimir Putin. This highly anticipated upgrade, branded as “Putin-Overdrive”, will immediately be available to the public as shareware. “I already offered to fight him in…
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Three KitKat Commercials
Act One A group of Boy Scouts have hiked into a deep forest. The scout leader gathers the boys around a fire pit, lined with kindling and crumpled paper. “Ok scouts!,” said the leader. “As you know, we are here this afternoon to earn our camp fire starter’s badge! This is one of the most…
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Waitstaff
People think waiting tables is easy. I hear it all the time. “Why should I leave a tip? They just bring the food from the kitchen to the table. Anybody could do that.” The truth is, waiting tables is one of the most physically and psychologically taxing jobs you can perform, and it takes a…
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Ask Ash – Advice from a Sub-Average Adult
Dear Ash, What are your thoughts on relationships where the pace doesn’t match between the 2 people; because that is immediately what I am facing right now. I have been talking to this guy since the week of Thanksgiving. We connected on a dating app and met almost a month after chatting. Just had a…
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You Might Be a Single Parent If…
1) You hang the Christmas decorations on top of the Halloween decorations 2) You call your neighbor the nanny 3) You eat the last cup of noodle in the bathtub, not just to hide it but also because it makes the water feel warmer and TO GET SOME GOD DAMN PEACE FOR ONE SECOND 4)…
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Phat Panda Golden Pineapple: Turquoise Jeep Concert Review
This cannabis review was originally published by Whaxy and then MassRoots on October 13, 2015, By Ash Strayer What do you get when you cross a Turquoise Jeep with a Golden Pineapple? A bunch of ladies dry humping each other on stage, hippies liquid dancing, and a super entertaining Wednesday night. Earlier in the week…
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Ash Recommends: 12 Scary Movies to Make You Go Pee-Pee In Your Panties
Just in time for Halloween, you thought I forgot about you, and I did, but then I remembered again, and then I forgot, because I was distracted by a global pandemic and like 1200 other things I have to do, but then I remembered again and wrote you this definitive list of my top 12…
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Teenagers Body-shaming Billie Eilish Test Positive For Oedipus Complex
After stepping outside without any sleeves on, the internet was set afire with body-shamers criticizing Billie’s Eilish‘s figure, calling it a “mid-30’s wine mom bod.” In a truly Freudian slip-of-fate, medical results from the critics have just come back positive, indicating what we all suspected, a full blown case of Oedipus complex. Does Billie Eilish’s…
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Ash Recommends
12 Film & TV Series You Should Already Be Watching #12 -TROLL – Comedy mini series on HULU These are short little 4 min episodes that will truly delight you. It amazes me that with two actors just sitting in a room together for just 4 minutes at a time, this show was able to…
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Trump Asks Physician Which Disinfectant Will Hurt The Least as a COVID Vaccine
With his extensive array of imaginary medical degrees, Trump is confident that one of the many disinfectants available in the Oval Office can cure his COVID-19, but he just doesn’t want the prick to hurt too bad. He’s asked his physician for advice on which might be the least painful, with disappointing results. “Please don’t…
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